Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Random Funny Jokes
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
If I agree with you, we'll both be wrong.
If a tomato is a fruit, isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?
Stalking - When two people go for a long romantic walk together and only one of them knows it.
Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
One time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a…
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.
I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to…
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs. And that's just selling lava…
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Kraft is recalling more than a million cases of cottage cheese because they weren’t stored at the right temperature. Isn’t…
Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this…
A self taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
I don't need a million dollars, just enough that I can stare off into space while I pump gas.
Someone who doesn't want to associate with black people owning an NBA franchise is like a vegan buying a steakhouse.