What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office? I can clearly see “you’re” nuts….
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.