The Bat Bet

Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood.

The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, “See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people.”

The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, “See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people.”

The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, “See that castle over there?” The other bats nod. “Well,” says the third bat, “I didn’t.”

Speak To My Lawyer

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.” The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.”

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” “Excuse me sir,” the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?” The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”

 

Aesthetician’s Favorite Garden Tool

What is an aesthetician’s favorite garden tool? A weed whacker! – written by JokeWriters.com  

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Mysterious Bed

There was this case in the hospital’s Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go [...]

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Newborn Baby

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn [...]

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A Wife Complains

A wife complains, “A wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.” Her husband mumbled, “Clock always was slow.”

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