How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Why do milking stools have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder!
Potential Republican candidate Jeb Bush is married to an immigrant from Mexico. Yeah, so they’re taking our jobs and our Jebs.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.