I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Never trust a man with short legs. His brain is too near his bottom.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help”.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do.
And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.