For those of you too young to know, music videos are something MTV used to play before it turned into a network for pregnant teenagers
Over the weekend in California — a big one, a 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful that Lindsey Lohan was driving on the right side of the road.
The economy is so bad that I put my wife back on Match.com, just for the free dinners.
I didn’t know whether to break up with my girlfriend or take a break, so I planted weed in her purse and called the cops. Now I have 30 days to figure things out.
If you’re walking down a street, it is never funny to pick up a child and run.
I like eating Black Forest ham because it sounds like I had to kill a troll to get it.
I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don’t care” so I’d finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron… and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.