MTV

For those of you too young to know, music videos are something MTV used to play before it turned into a network for pregnant teenagers

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Earthquake

Over the weekend in California — a big one, a 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful that Lindsey Lohan was driving on the right side of the road.

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Break Up

I didn’t know whether to break up with my girlfriend or take a break, so I planted weed in her purse and called the cops. Now I have 30 days to figure things out.

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Laundry

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

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Abbreviation

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

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